SIGNS OF OUR TIMES

Originally posted on social media, September 1, 2024:
I respectfully request that if you read this post, please read the whole thing. Considering our fellow humans who are people of color, 2SLGBTQIA, women, migrants or any group that is marginalized, degraded or oppressed in any way, I would appreciate your thoughtful response. Like many of you, my deepest desire is moving us toward unity & not division. It’s not easy.
Story: Yesterday a man walked into my shops. He asked if I was the owner. I said yes. “Good” he replied and proceeded to ask me why I had a sign that says “Black Lives Matter” in the window. I asked him to show me the specific sign he was referring to so we walked up to the front where he pointed it out. I paused. He began telling me that he believed that all lives matter and this sign was saying that black lives mattered more. I explained to him that considering the history of black lives in the United States, and continued racism in our society, that sign was a signal to people of color that they were safe and welcome in our shops. I went on to suggest that since he and I were white, we couldn’t know the reality of what black people face.
I suggested that, like me, he probably never felt that he needed a sign that said “White Lives Matter.” He paused then went on to tell me why he felt the way he did, beginning in 1989 when he was applying for college and there were quotas for accepting more black students than white. He believed that black and white people should be treated equally and that having signs like this just served as a reminder that they weren’t in the past. He mentioned the Civil War having ended and being in the past.
I used an example of how black people in St. Louis we’re not able to buy houses as late as the 60’s(look up block busting). He said that was over 60 years ago now. It was in the past. I highlighted the fact that that was only one generation ago. “If I were my age, 60, black and living in St. Louis right now, my parents would be among those who couldn’t own a home back then. That would have affected me and what my parents were able to do financially for me.” I went on to say that if we truly believed in equality then we had much more work to do over several generations. I told him that I had gone to the African American exhibit in St. Louis specifically to learn about black lives in the States so I could better understand their story. I explained that I was originally from Canada and asked him if he had heard about the residential schools for indigenous people up there. He had. “It’s the same in many ways. Many generations are required for healing and restitution for wrongs committed. We’re not there yet,” I said, “I believe those who’ve been or are being oppressed need to be the ones who tell us what they need. I follow their lead.” I then showed him all of the other statements on the sign he had pointed out. “I chose this sign because it contains the important issues of our time,” I said, “with the last one being very important to me. I even have it as a bumper sticker.” Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”
He shook his head and said he still didn’t understand why that sign had to be in my window. He went on to tell me that he had back a injury years ago. He’s mostly fine now, but if someone he hasn’t seen in awhile asks him how his back is, he tells them it was fine until they asked him. He laughed. “Why keep bringing things up,” he said, shrugging. I smiled, “Well, many people tell me that they appreciate the signs. I have customers and guests who are black that have heard about racism around here. Sometimes they’ve expressed that they were hesitant to take a vacation to this area or south of here. You and I both know you don’t have to drive far to find it,” I reminded him. “That’s why the signs are on the window .” I showed him the sign that was most loved - Hate Has No Home Here.
“The signs are there for the people that need them” I told him, “If you or I don’t need them, then we are lucky.” He paused, then reached out his hand to shake mine and asked me my name. I told him, shook his hand then asked him his name. He told me. As he left he said he would pray for me. I told him I would pray for him too.

Practice:
Believe me, I feel strong reactions within me sometimes.! I’m human. My ultimate goal is to create compassionate space within myself, despite an initial feeling of reaction that may include anger, sadness, frustration, hopelessness and perhaps fear. Here is a brief synopsis of foundational practices I return to over and over in times like these:
1. Listen. Seek ways to hear others whose beliefs are different than mine, even if I feel an initial reaction in a confrontation. Pause & breathe.
2. Ask questions. Untangle the experiences that brought us both to this very different understanding of an issue regarding the lives of other human beings.
3. Express. Clearly explain how I have come to understand this issue, focusing on what I have learned. Include facts regarding the reality of what “the other” is facing in our society.
4. Remain grounded in compassion. Stand firm on intolerance of any behavior that is intimidating, aggressive, divisive, promotes hatred or elevates one group of humans above another.
5. Loving kindness. No expectation. No agenda. Patience. Love. I cannot change the mind of another. They cannot change mine. If we can have conversation and end peacefully, that is the best we can hope for. When hearts are opened, change happens over time.

We have this moment only.
May each moment lead us peaceably to the next
Bonnie